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November 30, 2005
did i mention that they spelled my name wrong on my IL bar admission certificate?
well, they did, and it's really chapping my ass.
i can't belive i just said that. i think i got that expression from my father, who also says (or used to say, before he married my stepmom) things like "i have to go pinch off a loaf", something I will never, ever, ever say. i promise.
slowly but surely all the lights in our apartment are burning out. we have recessed lighting. our ceilings are about 10 feet tall. we have a step ladder, but it's not tall enough. we have no more T2 to reach things for us (the rev was never much use with these sorts of things). so soon we will be living in darkness.
we will have to light candles, which we can't do, because c. insists that only lesbians burn candles, and we hate lesbians.
are we self-hating?
holy shit, can you tell we went to a hockey game with boobies2 and carpenter and drank too much domestic light beer?
Posted by me at 10:51 PM | Comments (3)
November 23, 2005
first snow
and just in time for our trek to detroit. it's sticking to roofs and cars but not to the street, so that's good.
last night i went to the gym and ran four miles. then i went to the locker room and couldn't remember the combination for my lock (the lock that i've been using for a good three years) for 15 minutes. i then went home and threw away all my pot.
Posted by me at 07:31 AM | Comments (2)
November 20, 2005
the internet ruined my education
rules of distraction. The slate teaser for this article was "is wifi ruining college?" my answer is "yes, and law school too!"
when a certain democratic senator from illinois is elected president, i will be able to turn to my children and say "children, i took a law school class with that man. unfortunately, it was in one of the few rooms at the law school with internet and i was a 3L, so i didn't pay one goddamn bit of attention."
Posted by me at 05:47 PM | Comments (0)
out of context
Mr. Pill is on the phone with C. I have no idea what they are talking about, and she just said "well it doesn't have to be just about hot sake and sex".
Quote of the year. Someone should name a blog "hot sake and sex".
Posted by me at 10:15 AM | Comments (1)
November 19, 2005
the kittens must pay
it's 7:47 on a saturday and i'm awake because the little motherfuckers in my house known as "kitten babies" woke me up so that i could feed them what looks like regurgitated horse meat.
(off topic: the average human brain size is 1350 cubic centimeters, or 1.35 liters by volume. dirty rev ho's is only onelitre. this is why we get the comments from him that we get. )
so what are the plans for new years? c. refuses to spend new years eve in detroit (i have no idea why...the gun shots at 12:01 bring tears to my eyes, just like when the song "i'm proud to be an american" comes on). i guess we could go to new york, but then i'd have to deal with all the drunk people from iowa, and really, i don't know if i've matured enough emotionally to handle that. a friend in chicago is having a party and has a bunch of people flying in from texas for it, but then i'd like have to talk to new people (although god knows they might all be so drugged or drunk i wouldn't have to make an effort!)
the problem with new years eve is that you hype it up and hype it up and then it happens and it's over and it's like "eh". i mean, it's like we think it's supposed to be the adult christmas, but at least after christmas you had toys, not a two day hangover and a new tattoo of "2005 RIP" you don't remember getting.
today is the michigan/ohio state game. i hope michigan actually wins because the girls that live downstairs from us went to ohio state and i will be ashamed to walk to my car if we lose. you think i'm joking, don't you?
Posted by me at 07:42 AM | Comments (1)
November 18, 2005
ahoy
I listen to WBEZ every morning. It's where I get all my leftist news. Anyway, I'm concerned that the traffic person (who does traffic for several different radio stations in chicago) dislikes the morning host, because now when she says "thanks abby!" after the traffic is done, abby snarls "you're welcome". it just doesn't sound nice.
perhaps as a child of divorce i am overly sensitive.
NPR did a tsunami scare story this morning. I expect more from NPR than tsunami scare stories. It was about the fault line just off the coast running from northern california to british columbia. if there was an earthquake there wouldn't be much warning, the fault is so close that a tsunami could hit in seconds. yawn. a huge one hasn't happened in hundreds of years. yawn. the local native americans have stories about huge tsunamis wiping everything off the land. yawn. and we could be bombed by north korea. or collectively all be hit by cars. i mean, really, what are they all supposed to do? move to nebraska (uh oh, tornados!). it's like last sunday's "grey's anatomy" episode (shut up) where some woman gets here ovaries cut out because she has an 85% chance of getting ovarian cancer (and really, that woman's position is stronger, since there isn't an 85% chance of a catastrophic tsunami in the next say 50 years).
i doubt everyone in northern california, much less oregon and washington, wants to move to nebraska. they beat hippies there.
of course, maybe NPR is right, maybe we should be worried that a tsunami is going to get them. after all, the end times are near.
Posted by me at 08:09 AM | Comments (1)
November 13, 2005
so
I sit through a four hour fucking swearing in ceremony (during which every member of the IL bar over 45 got to speak at length) to pick up my "you are a member of the bar certificate"
and
they
spelled
my
name
wrong
after
all
that.
it's one "n" jackasses, one n.
Posted by me at 09:16 PM | Comments (2)
November 08, 2005
so is the entire SBC losing its tax-exempt status for preaching to vote for bush? because don't tell me they aren't doing that
this makes absolutely no sense to me. what's next? are they going to start tracking what books we check out of the library--
oh wait.
nevermind.
(SBC=southern baptist convention. and a really shitty phone company. there's some sort of metaphor here but i'm too tired to figure out what i think it is.)
Posted by me at 12:27 AM | Comments (0)
November 06, 2005
god i'm bored, please come home
and this is a weird fall. it's november 5th and it feels like may. there's a spring storm starting up outside. all the leaves are dead no matter.
i still don't understand the permanent press setting. i understand what "permanent press" IS, but why does it need its own setting? we don't have a setting for polyester (or is that considered permanent press?) or clothing made out of deerskin.
it's thundering like it's may. like it's one of those nights right near the end of school and you're too excited to sleep because school is almost out.
it would be cool if it started to thunder and snow all at once.
Posted by me at 12:17 AM | Comments (0)
November 05, 2005
don't panic, i'm just high
It's a little before 11 on a saturday night, and I just got done working. why, dear reader, did I work all day today? because a certain large, prestigious law firm in this city turns out lazy, cocksucking associates, that's why. i spent a good 6 extra hours working today to fix fuckups that were do to pure moronic laziness. i better be getting a cut of your bonuses, you little bitches. you sure don't deserve it.
so anyway, i'm here all alone (please do not come get me, internet predators. dateline nbc warned me about you and I'm prepared with a wusthof butcher knife and a feral cat), because c. is out of town for training for her job. she was supposed to come home tomorrow, but now needs to stay through monday because she is SO SLOW THEY COULDN'T GET THROUGH THE TRAINING WITH HER IN THE TWO DAYS INITIALLY ALLOTTED (just kidding monkasaurus). So she's in nyc and i'm here smoking and trying to wind down from a really shitty saturday.
today i have "golddigger in my head". get down girl g'ahead get down. it can't be helped.
the only nice thing about C. being gone is that i get to be a total slob and get my fill of christian television. i love christian television. last night i watched an hour long christian clean comedy show. then tonight i got to watch a bit of a christian movie from the early 80s, wherein a farrah fawcett look alike did not accept jesus as her savior, tried to get to heaven through good works (tsk tsk, if we've learned anything from jack chick it's that "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves [it is] the gift of God Not of works, lest any man should boast.") so anyway she got hit by one of those oldsmobile station wagons that was blue and had fake wood paneling (we had an identical one when i was little. that, and a blue chevette, the enginge on that car fell out on I-94 in detroit while my dad was driving it. lest any of you think this grosse pointe girl lived in the actual rich part of grosee pointe.) and presumably went up and met god, and oops, her name was NOT in the book of life.
speaking of grosse pointe, i got stuck in the elevator at the gym with a woman that would fit in really well in grosse pointe. she was like 45 but her kids looked to be about 6 and she kept flashing around her mercedes key ring and ignoring everyone around her (cuz she's better that the riff raff). huh.
on salon.com cary tennis (who is a (bad) advice columnist and i hate him, but i can't stop reading any way) had this girl ask him whether she was a female misogynist. i think i might be a misogynist. i also hate lesbians. so i guess that makes me almost totally self-hating (except i don't hate all short people, so i've got that going for me).
there was an article in the new york times today about how even amicable divorces effect children negatively. yes, i know, thanks for that amazing revelation. my father is helping to pay for my step-brother's college tuition. he did not pay for mine. but that does not bother me at all because no matter what that article says, i am emotionally fine.
oh shutup.
Posted by me at 11:53 PM | Comments (1)
November 01, 2005
what the hell is "permanent press"?
I've been wondering for 15 years, ever since I started doing my own laundry.
Posted by me at 08:05 AM | Comments (1)