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March 24, 2004
Calling the ADL
So this morning, C gets on the first train that comes in. I can't get on. I get on the second train. As I'm getting on, behind me I hear "oh she did NOT just get on in front of me." This is apparently in referrence to me. Ok, whatever, I ignore it. So then I'm surrounded by these three hispanic women, about my age, talking about how some people are so "Dawson's Creek" (I assume they are referring to me. I'm not sure what this means, but I'll guess it means "really, really white") and pushy (note that they are pushing me into the train and literally screaming). They then start talking about how in Japan they beat people with sticks to get them on the subway (this isn't entirely true, but I'm glad they know that a country called Japan exists. Go NYC public education, go!) and how they should "beat all these Dawson's Creek motherfuckers with sticks" to get them on the train. This is all odd, since you'd think they'd be happy I'd gotten onto the train ahead of them, since they're all into shoving as many people as possible into the train (especially us Dawson Creek types). So FINALLY we get to 6th avenue (after a lot of "yo, this nigga I'm datin' just bought me a gift certificate. I'm gon' get my nails done!" I'm paraphrasing, but that's pretty much what was said.) and pushing me and yelling in my ear, they don't move when we try to get off the train. So I NAIL the "Dawson Creek" girl with my bag (yes, I did it on purpose. She fucking deserved it. I want to be a "Gilmore Girl".) and she says "oh you did NOT just do that you--" pause, wait for it "you dumb jew!"
So which is it--am I a waspy Dawson's Creeker, or a particularly gentile looking member of the tribe? You can't have it both ways.
Wow, that was therapeutic.
Posted by me at 09:33 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
March 23, 2004
wtf
How is this woman possibly 24 years old? We've either spent too much time in the tanning booth, or we're a BIG 40 YEAR OLD LIAR!
Posted by me at 03:18 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
March 15, 2004
northern state sucks
I googled the phrase "northern state sucks" (exactly like that--with the quotes) and I only got two hits.
That's a travesty.
Northern State sucks.
There. Now next time someone googles it, there will be three entries.
Yo. yo. yo. Don't you hate/ we regulate/ we recipro-CATE/ and it's only fate/ that you ain't jailBAIT.
Oh wait. Why did I just type that? I mean, yeah, it sucked, but it was much better than anything Northern State's ever written.
(Have I mentioned that Northern State Sucks?)
Posted by me at 03:59 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
March 12, 2004
but I still look 15!
It's my birthday.
Oh, how old am I? Well, I'm so old that this year was the first year in my life that I got one of those cards that makes fun of the numbers of candles on the cake. I thought only OLD people got those kind of cards. Shit.
No, really, how old am I? Well, I'm so old that yesterday I skipped out on some work in the afternoon and went to the store to look at cds and I didn't recognize half the artists on the bestsellers rack.
I'm really not all that old, just really, really uncool.
And I accept gifts, cash, checks, paypal and money orders. Cought it up.
Posted by me at 09:34 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
March 11, 2004
monday
i recieved news of somebody i've known for most of my life passing away this past monday. the subject of the e-mail said it all, "***'s grandpa." i cried before opening it because i knew what it was about. i couldn't open it. i was in a mini depression until last night. my roommate noticed i was a little down and asked what's up, i told her. during our conversation, something about ***'s grandpa occurred to me. he never spoke. he didn't know english but i never heard him speak his own language. if he was deaf i would have known. something about this comforted me, the image of a little old man wlaking around the neighborhood looking for change in phone booths never talking.
Posted by oddjob at 07:11 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
introducing...
oddjob.
his first post is above.
ok cool.
Posted by me at 07:08 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
March 09, 2004
de plane! de plane!
Posted by me at 05:25 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
March 03, 2004
fumble
Just as Alanis Morisette's hit "Ironic" alerted the country to the fact that Alanis didn't understand the definition of the word "ironic," so too the "most humbling moment" entry on the personals service used by such websites as salon, nerve, time out, etc. tells us that the vast majority of people do not understand what "humbling" means.
From dictionary.com:
tr.v. hum·bled, hum·bling, hum·bles
1. To curtail or destroy the pride of; humiliate.
2. To cause to be meek or modest in spirit.
3. To give a lower condition or station to; abase
For example:
"Opening my 3rd story window, forgetting that it was precariously holding down my very heavy A/C unit." is not a humbling moment. It's a forgetful moment. The humbling part would perhaps be when the unit hit some hot girl on the head and you realized you were an idiot and she sued you and called you ugly. That would be humbling.
"I think when you're in this city they happen to you everyday." Ok, that's clever and all, but it doesn't answer the question.
Posted by me at 02:32 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Addendum
Just so there's no confusion:
People who live in New York are dumb fuckwads, too.
Posted by me at 12:11 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
March 02, 2004
god help us all
In a blatant attempt to spice things up, I've decided to add C as an author. She'll be posting under the name "monkey" (her first post is below). I'll continue to post under the name "me" (very creative, I know).
I plan on adding other people in the near future. E-mail/call if interested AND if you know me.
I need a new banner up top, too...anyone want to design one for me? Please?
Posted by me at 05:48 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
call me, mr. clean
i have been on a roll today. i can't stop cleaning. like this is a surprise for anyone who knows me. i cleaned the guinea pig cages, bathed 2 of the 3 pigs, hand washed the sweaters, rearranged one room in the apt, dusted the whole place, washed dishes a few times, and cleaned out the patio with the plants i've been meaning to toss for months now. i feel like a new woman.
i ran into p on the way back from the drycleaners. i haven't seen him in many months. he looks the same. he acted very cold and answered all of my questions with one word. i don't know it's because of his limited english or what. what stunned me is that he has the kind of job i want and should have and a sweet car. i felt kind of like a loser, but i realized that he was probably hooking again. oh well.
i am making spicy bbq wings tonight for the gf. ha ha. i get to talk all about my gf and how much i love her. maybe she will give me a promise ring.
Posted by monkey at 05:46 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
Only I can mistreat the L-train
This is akin to white kids calling each other the n-word. The dumb white kids here are whoever set up this...this...THING.
Two thoughts:
1. People who live in LA are dumb fuckwads.
2. Williamsburg is now not only a brand, it's a brand with sub-brands! (e.g. williamsburg is to L train as gap is to baby gap.)
Posted by me at 04:50 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
in the air
Some very strange happenings, yes indeed. Apparently not many people I know are adjusting well to life post-law school. God knows I'm not.
Yesterday, 6:30pm (dark out), walking to the subway on Sixth Ave, pass a woman walking and reading. IN THE DARK. It's an epidemic.
It's really warm and humid outside. It's also really warm and humid inside. The carpet in my office smells like spring--all earthy and pollen-y and stuff. This is nice in that it reminds me of spring and bunnies and frisbee in the park and muddy shoes and all that crap without have to leave the building. This is not nice in that really carpet should not smell like this, and it's probably mold and I'm going to get some sort of mold spore infestation in my lungs and die.
C is at home, jobless, happy as a clam (but not the sort of clam that might find its way into clam or oyster pancakes) cleaning the house and playing with the kittens. She's probably barefoot too, so now all I need to do is knock her up.
Posted by me at 01:55 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack