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December 31, 2003
toast and cheese cubes and 2$$4!
C is calling me a "big baby." Why? Because I had the audacity to ask her to make me toast (with horrible low-carb wheat bread) so that I could spread cheese cube on it. What, you ask, is cheese cube? Well you know those little Laughing Cow Babybel (sp) cheeses that come wrapped in wax? Yeah. They now make little individually wrapped cubes of some sort of spreadable cheese. And when I say "wrapped" I mean wrapped like individual carmels. Yes, totally gross. And yet, totally irresistible. C adds "just like my monkey. Only not gross." So yeah.
So work was utterly a waste, and I left at 1. Now I'm sitting on the futon (I plan on buying an adult couch some time in the next month. My first New Year's resolution.) waiting for my toast. After the toast (and cheese cubes!) I will drive to Westchester to party with C's sister and husband.
New Year's resolution #2: worry less.
#2.5: smoke more pot.
#3: eat less cheese.
#4: figure out why Secretary's Certificates matter.
#5: find a psychiatrist who doesn't try to bilk me out of $250 an hour.
#6: party more.
#7: quit being a lawyer.
and last, but not least--
#8: love my monkey more! shut the hell up.
Happy New Year!
Posted by me at 03:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 30, 2003
da gaza strip
I sooooooooo want a copy of this poster.
I wondered when this would start happening. The hipsters are all over north of Broadway (Brooklyn Broadway), they've spread up north through Greenpoint like a disease, and east into East Williamsburg and even more-east East Williamsburg (what normal people call Bushwick, but hipsters would prefer to have the word "Williamsburg" in where they live, so they just refer to it as East Williamsburg. Very, very east.. Not unlike the city of East Detroit miraculously changing its name to East Pointe (ala Grosse Pointe) for that classier feel...). They must finally be hitting south of Broadway, aka hasidim country.
Poor hasidim. I feel your pain. But using the WTC on the poster was totally moronic. Sounds like something a hipster would do...
Anyway, I'm too lazy to walk down south of Broadway, which must be where all these posters are hanging, so if you are down there, you should steal one for me. Please.
Posted by me at 02:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 29, 2003
Feels like someone replaced my carmax with vicks
Well, the week before Christmas Eve was the worst week of my life. How about you?
Things are going much better now, so I won't go into the gory details. You can e-mail me if you really want them.
We're in desparate need of a humidifier--my lips feel like someone cut them with razors, and every time I reach down to scratch my leg for two seconds, I end up bleeding. Great.
C went home with me for Christmas in Detroit. My mother bought us matching yellow monkey pajamas.
Pause.
Detroit is looking good. We drove all the way down Lake Shore Drive/Jefferson to get downtown, and it actually looked a lot less frightening. Of course, this could be because now I've lived on both the southside of Chicago and in Brooklyn, and things that I once thought were scary don't bother me anymore.
Two more days and I get more vacation. I plan to use the time to figure out ways to get fired faster.
Posted by me at 09:40 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 21, 2003
ugh
bad, bad week.
baaaaaad.
sorry for not posting.
Posted by me at 06:01 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
December 15, 2003
the morning after
congratulations. you caught saddam. now what?
maybe his own reality show with paris hilton?
or a made for tv movie?
or just more of us dying over there, more of our money being sent over there, more of the same?
Posted by me at 11:07 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
December 11, 2003
throw kissing from the train
People, how many times do i have to tell you this? you know how there's no sex in the champagne room? Well guess what? There's also NO KISSING ON THE TRAIN. none. no pecking, no tonguing (sp.), no love bites, no KISSING ANYWHERE ON THE BODY, IN ANY FORM. got it? how many times do we have to go over this? if you want to kiss, go somewhere where you don't have a capitve audience. you want to kiss in the middle of union square? knock yourself out. but for the love of god, stop kissing on the train--we (i.e., the poor people stuck watching and/or hearing your display) got no place to go (which reminds me of a melissa ethridge song about kissing and trains of a different sort, but it's bad enough that i know melissa ethridge songs at all, so i'll leave it at "the excesses of youth" and move on).
stop the madness.
Posted by me at 08:44 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
December 08, 2003
gan-grene
This is one of those "I know I've only lived in New York for 5 months, but..." posts.
I know I've only lived in New York for 5 months, and maybe if I'd grown up hearing this I'd think nothing of it, but I've noticed that now that NFL season has started (before this, my only extended living in NYC was during the summer--no football, hence this never came up), that the sportscasters on the local news call the NY Jets "Gang Green" which, I SWEAR TO GOD I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP JUST TO BE CUTE OR CLEVER, honestly sounds like "gangrene" every time I hear it, as in "And last night, gangrene lost to the Bears" or "will gangrene be able to pull through and beat the Giants this weekend?" Swear to God. So, all of you native NYers (um, T2? C2?), when you hear "Gang Green" do you actually HEAR "gangrene" or is it just me?
This reminds me of the horrible post-9/11 song (which actually came out pre-9/11, but only became a hit after 9/11) about Superheros: "I can't stand to fly, I'm not that naive" blah blah, and the guy sings "inside of me---eeeeeee, in--side of me---e----eeee" in the chorus, and I SWEAR TO GOD I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP JUST TO BE CUTE OR CLEVER, it honestly sounds like "in sodomy" to me: in sod-o-meee---eeee, in sod-oooohhh-my.
I'll spell check this tomorrow, when I'm not drunk off of expensive wine from the sucky firm client party.
hiccup.
go gangrene!
Posted by me at 10:36 PM | Comments (10) | TrackBack
December 03, 2003
my worst nightmare has come true
i have a job that i hate, and i've been at it for less than two months. either a) i wasn't told to do something, and that something doesn't get done, and suddenly it's my fault that it wasn't done, even though i'd never even heard of it before or b) i was told to do something, only i wasn't told how to do it, so i did it wrong, and i get in trouble, and i get told to do it again correctly, only no one will tell me how to do it correctly (repeat segment b).
fuck this. can i quit? please? i know i shouldn't complain; i've already complained to two people who don't even have jobs, and that's shitty and insensitive, so i'm sorry.
i hate this. i hate constantly being stressed for the SOLE reason that i'm waiting for the next bad thing to happen. and i hate not being able to do anything about it, because NO ONE WILL TELL ME WHAT TO DO OR HOW TO DO IT. and i hate apologizing for things that really aren't my fault.
i need some encouraging words from TT. now. the rest of you can give me encouraging words, too, but TT gets double points. sorry.
ps--i have a cute kitten, i love my girlfriend, my family, and my friends (except for T2. I don't love him. I just like him.) so i promise to TRY to keep this in perspective. i'm trying really fucking hard, too.
Posted by me at 09:20 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack