March 31, 2003
It's 4 a.m.: do you know that "you probably have a normal average IQ"?
Well, you do. At least according to our resident "genus" (sp) Will Chris Holley. He's above average. Boy, he sure is:
"Average IQ persons tend to be more popular and usually run things, being placed in charge by their fellow average IQ persons, as there is safety in numbers, and people tend to group themselves with others like themselves. Thus, potential help from High IQ persons tends to be ignored, and vast improvements which could take place never do. Please realize that we high IQ persons, although in great supply, are vastly outnumbered by average IQ people; and that we high IQ people are people too, we don't need to sacrifice our talents in order to make everyone feel better (that would be a waste)."
Me and my probably average IQ (I know this because I'm a) popular and b) will soon be running things) are going to go finish our final writing assignment for our above average Law School.
Posted by me at 04:27 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 28, 2003
DMV now offering $38 sex change
Today, I went to the New York DMV to get my license. All went smoothly. They printed off a temporary license for me, and I was on my way uptown to meet a friend for lunch when I decided to inspect my temporary license on the train (i was looking for ways to avoid eye contact with others, and i was tired of looking at the dirty floor and reading the signs about weightloss and foot care).
Lo and behold: "Name: My Name. Eyes: Blue. Hght: 5'1. Sex: Male."
Hmmm. Apparently, they knew something I didn't know--I didn't have two XX's as I'd been led to believe by my parents!
I really wanted to keep it and get the real license sent to me with "male" on it and then i could register for the selective service, get a membership at Augusta, etc, but my Dad convinced me to do otherwise, (damn sept. 11th anality of gov't officials) so I went back after lunch (after 3 margaritas at lunch!) and got it changed. The people at the DMV thought it was very, very funny.
I thought I'd share.
ps--for all the talk about crabby and rude new yorkers, i must say that the people at the battery park-ish (11 Greenwich St) dmv were very pleasant and efficient. i was impressed. they were much nicer than they are in michigan. however, the clientele was pretty crabby and rude--not me, though. nope. i was the picture of calmness, patience, and understanding. haha.
Posted by me at 02:57 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
March 27, 2003
motor city madman
Saddam Once Received Key to Detroit
Baghdad. Detroit. Baghdad. Detroit. Yeah, I can see the resemblance: bombed out hulls of cities (Baghdad might not be destroyed yet, but give the coalition forces a couple days and it will be) who have both been ruled by egomanaical dictators (Saddam and Coleman Young, respectively) more concerned about their own images than the wefare of their citizens. The only difference I can see is climate and all the U.S. aid that Baghdad is going to get after the war (Detroit, while it is responsible for a lot of the cars that burn up Iraq's oil, does not sit on billions of gallons of the black stuff, and is thus unworthy of U.S. aid).
Posted by me at 10:58 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
After a lively breakfast meeting where they dined on Freedom Toast...
...the following Congressmen had an intern write up this lovely resolution.
Not to be too much of an elitist snob (oh, I know I AM one, I just don't want to be TOO MUCH of one), but you should pay particular attention to the states that these Reps come from.
Posted by me at 10:18 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
chipotle dreams
McDonald's Seeks to Sell 3 Small Chains
Now's my chance: all I need to do is raise a few (hundred) million dollars and I can buy Chipotle! Not just a franchise, but THE WHOLE THING. Any venture capitalists out there want to float me some money? I have zero capital (although I do own a 1995 Honda. Yeah, that's right, it's ALL MINE--no lease.) and approximately $150,000 in student debt.
Seriously, this is sort of bizarre. I think McDonald's should keep Chipotle and sell off the rest (including profit sucking McDonald's franchises). At the rate my friends are going to Chipotle, we must be paying for several executives salaries. Chipotle is always packed--it MUST be making money. Then again, that's what everyone always said about Amazon.
Posted by me at 09:42 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 26, 2003
from the state that brought us the election scandal
DUI Coordinator Resigns After Being Charged With DUI
Posted by me at 12:05 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 25, 2003
smeagol is laughing, gollum's not
Salon.com Comics | Tom the Dancing Bug
You need a subscription to Salon to see the whole thing. You should get a subscription. It's worth it.
Long live nerds (especially nerds that are nerdier than me, like the guy that e-mailed me this link...Don't worry, Smeagol, Master still likes you even though you're a big loser.)
Posted by me at 03:48 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
March 20, 2003
warsick
I don't even know how to begin to talk about this war. We all knew it was coming, but it's still a shock. I remember sitting in front of the TV twelve years ago, watching the missile trails glow green and then explode into a truncated halo when they hit--when they hit what? land? bunkers? tanks? chemical plants? buildings? homes? civilians? and i feel the exact same fear and sadness and dread and shame that i felt when i was thirteen. something about it didn't feel right then, and it doesn't feel right now, and i can't get it out of my head, and i can't stop feeling sick or teary or angry, no matter how much i try to distract myself by doing random manly household things (this should be amusing to you, as i'm neither a man nor do i have good hand-eye coordination) like hanging up paintings with hammer, nails, leveler. but i don't care about the paintings and i can't get the images out of my head: we're levelling iraq, hammering them with missiles, somewhere someone's skull is shattering the instant after they feel an explosion that hits them with tiny molten nails of shrapnel.
and i'm 6,000 miles away, hanging paintings and thinking about dinner.
and of course i'm also thinking about C, and my family, and my friends. i'm thinking about innocent people that i don't even know here in the states. and i understand the need to kill sadam--go for it, should've been done twelve years ago. but i don't understand the need for all this, and i know and you know and the bush administration knows that this has nothing to do with "the war on terror" and everything to do with politics.
and it makes me sick.
Posted by me at 11:39 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
dissension in the ranks
Top White House anti-terror boss resigns
Gee, this is encouraging:
"This is a very intriguing decision (by Beers)," said author and intelligence expert James Bamford. "There is a predominant belief in the intelligence community that an invasion of Iraq will cause more terrorism than it will prevent. There is also a tremendous amount of embarrassment by intelligence professionals that there have been so many lies out of the administration..."
Posted by me at 11:03 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 19, 2003
power of suggestion
Woke up this morning to see C. off to work (she's cute and hyper in the morning), laid on the couch for a bit reading after she left, and then fell asleep for a good two hours. I had a dream I had to go to the bathroom really bad, I was on a boat, it was raining, etc. you get the idea. Woke up, swung my feet on the floor and placed them directly into a puddle of water. Woohoo, the radiator is leaking!
on an entirely unrelated note, my new favorite word is "bathetic".
Posted by me at 10:05 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 17, 2003
homewrecker
What causes a perfectly healthy adolescent guinea pig to start devouring her home*? The home she loved for 8 months? The home she hid in whenever anyone would try to pick her up? When it was removed from her cage, she'd whimper and run around in circles like a maniac until it was returned. Why the hell is she EATING it?
Why didn't C. bother to tell me about this until I got back? I've been gone for a month, and she never mentioned this burgeoning family crisis. Clearly, Baby Girl (name of the guinea pig. We originally named her "Hannah," but some how this devolved to "Baby Girl." Too many rap songs, I guess.) needs therapy, but C. would rather ply her with love, kisses, and food. Entirely misguided when the mental health of a guinea pig is at stake. Only a therapist (hopefully a freudian one!) can get to the root of this problem. Is she, as a teenager, attempted to forge a new identity, symbolically destroying the home she once loved? Who knows? Certainly not C. nor I, hence the need for professional help.
On a related note, she's also been caught trying to escape:
*her home is a wicker ball, so it is perfectly edible. she also likes to eat the labels off of beer bottles, however, and i'm pretty sure that those aren't digestible.
Posted by me at 02:16 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 16, 2003
Who knew? God's a bottom feeder!
Word is made flesh as God reveals himself as a fish
Posted by me at 03:20 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
They Say You Were Something in Those Formative Years
WARNING: THIS IS A LAME, EMOTIONAL POST
When I was a teenager, I found an amazing amount of comfort in a Tori Amos song called "Pretty Good Year." Actually, I still find something soothing and hope-inducing and tender and a whole bunch of other really cheesy things about that song. Anyway, when I was 17 it said to me "a lot of shitty things have happened [namely, my girlfriend dumping me for a 14 yearold dorky boy], but, hey, it was still worth it because most of the stuff was good [namely, staying up late on warm sping/fall friday nights, drinking wine coolers. shutup, we thought we were cool.]." (for you tax experts, there was a net gain). The song pretty much says the same thing to me at 25, only now I can look back on my formative (and melodramatic, wine cooler drinking) years with nostalgia. I hope that when I'm 33 I'll be able to look back at this time (what is this time, anyway? Is it still formative?) in my life and think it was pretty good (albeit still a touch too melodramatic).
Coming in a close second in this comforting songs by Tori Amos category was "Baker Baker," also on Under the Pink. Baker Baker was for those times I didn't think there'd really been a net gain. :)
Hey, I told you this would be a lame post.
Posted by me at 02:15 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 15, 2003
wasting perfectly good xanax
Spiked Juice Grounds Flight Attendant
I'd accept spiked apple juice from a flight attendent any day, but I can see why the mother of the toddler was upset.
Posted by me at 12:53 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 13, 2003
the 16 yearold boy who lives next door
A new person moved into the apartment next to mine two weeks ago today. In that short time, I've come to several conclusions:
First, he has really bad taste in music.
Second, he likes to play video games, but only loudly, and only starting at around 2 a.m.
Third, he throws himself against the wall separating our apartments at least a couple of times a night. How do I know this? Because unless there's a wobbly wardrobe 3 feet from the wall which he knocks over on purpose several times a night, I have to assume that he's actually throwing his own body against the wall. Maybe he has one of those velcro walls installed. A related conclusion is that he's a hefty boy, because he rattles the burners on my stove when he throws himself against the wall.
Fourth, he broke up with his girlfriend on Sunday, March 9th, at approximately 10:30 a.m. Or, perhaps, she dumped him. At any rate, she is a "fucking psycho bitch" and he "doesn't want her hanging off his jock anyway." Also, "fine then" he "can find another bitch better than" said now ex-girlfriend.
Fifth, he has a REALLY short attention span. He only plays his bad songs for less than a minute before switching to another equally bad song.
Sixth, he has a really bad singing voice.
I've also come to realize that I had made some very wrong assumptions in the year and a half I've lived in this apartment before the new neighbor moved in. First, I assumed the walls were thick. I was wrong. My old neighbor was just quiet, god bless him. Second, I assumed that the building manager was good at screening prospective tenants, only accepting those under 30 who seemed to be sufficiently quiet and nerd-like (myself excluded, of course. I, a party animal, won her over with my charm, wit, and good looks.) I was wrong. Either this guy is jekyll and hyde, or the building manager is slipping.
Posted by me at 05:24 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 12, 2003
Twenty Five
A.K.A. "the rental car" birthday. Twenty One, A.K.A. "the drinking legally until you puke" birthday, was much more exciting.
Yup, that's old. I celebrated my new found oldness by having one beer (yes, ONE. it was depressing) after my exam before heading back to the library for my studying. Hey, at least I didn't drink alone, and I didn't even have to buy the beer (which is good, because until my tax refund comes in, I have a dollar and some change to mine name. Sadly, this is not enough to buy a beer at the bar we went to).
I also received a remote control rat, which I am truly thankful for.
Although I didn't have an eventful birthday, other people had an eventful day: Serbian PM assassination AND they found Elizabeth Smart. I suppose those things cancel each other out.
Posted by me at 10:22 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Go Go Go Shawty, It's Your Birthday
We're gon' study like it's yo birthday,
Gon' sip espresso shots like it's yo birthday,
And you know we don't give a fuck
there's a final on your birthday!
You can find me in the stacks, bag full of study guides
Look mami I got the Gilbert's if you're into crammin'
I'm into procrastinating, I ain't into gettin' it done
So don't copy offa me unles you into getting B's
50 Cent's version is much better, I promise. And he shoots a gun at you on on his website. Awesome!
Posted by me at 01:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 11, 2003
Cumming Soon for Mac OS!
I've hit the Fifth Day of Studying Study Block. I am physically unable to study. So, instead, I bring you this:
Wired News: Porn 'Filter' Uses Peer Pressure
Be sure to check out the user comments on this story at slashdot, where people have suggested that this service would be the best web ring ever.
The Wired story references XXXChurch near the end of the article. XXXChurch is one of my favorite websites--last summer a friend was driving home to L.A. and passed on of their billboards. She directed me to the site, and I am forever grateful. Not as hilariously intolerant and cartoonish as the Chick Tract website, but still loads of fun.
Posted by me at 11:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
anyone know how to apply for belgian citizenship?
French Fries Get New Name in Congress
"The French Embassy in Washington had no immediate comment, except to say that french fries actually come from Belgium."
These people (i.e. Republicans) need a good old fashioned Freedom Ass Kicking.
Posted by me at 03:21 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
March 10, 2003
James Brook, My Hero
In the past 6 hours, this man has become my hero. His name is James Brook. He's a professor at New York Law School. He wrote a book which has single-handedly revolutionized the way I understand secured transactions. Oh, laugh if you must, but this book made the blind see, made the lame walk, and made the dumb--no, not speak, not that kind of dumb--less dumb. i am dumb. Professor Brook has made me less dumb. hallelujah.
Thank you, Professor Brook. You'll always hold a special place in my heart.
Posted by me at 11:05 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
collateral
I'll give you a security interest in my winter quarter grades (I promise to get all A's) if you'll lend me 8 hours of quality sleep. Any takers? I'll even pay you back with interest--I promise to repay you with 10 hours (hey, that's a 125% return on your investment! not so shabby) by the end of spring break.
Why have I become like this? Did law school turn me into an evil drone that makes only law related jokes?
Oh well. At least I haven't spent the months since the Two Towers was released repetitively making jokes about dwarves and Gollum like SOMEONE I know. That person is a real loser. (Yes, Smeagol, master's mocking us!)
Posted by me at 09:33 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
just when you thought things couldn't get any worse
Latifah's "House" brings down the cash
My girlfriend is here, suffering her way through a conference in 65 degree weather with free beer at lunch (and free lunch, for that matter).
I am here. You can see why I'm bitter.
Posted by me at 10:07 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 09, 2003
studying: day 3
The most exciting thing that has happened today, Day 3 of the great Studying for Winter Quarter Finals Marathon: I've spent a good two hours trying to figure out (and, thus far, failing) how to convert a word perfect file to a word file in Word X for OS X. The file is an outline for my secured transactions class written by a friend who for some evil reason of her own insists on using corel products that don't have the word "draw" in their titles (a.k.a. word perfect. who the hell uses word perfect, you ask? well, i know of at least ONE person...I like her anyway), so, in a way, it IS related to studying in that once I get it converted (if I ever do) I will read it and learn things about secured transactions, but, seeing as it is unlikely I'll ever get it converted, this is mostly just a distracting time waster, much like reading the Weddings pages of the Fashion & Style section (or, as far as I'm concerned, reading that whole section) of the New York Times.
Anyway, I know that versions of Word for Windows allow you to convert .wpd files to .doc files, and I'm pretty sure that older versions of Word for older Mac OS's allowed you to do the same thing. Word X doesn't.
Hmmm.
So I SCOURED the internet (ok, I googled "convert wordperfect file to word x" and looked in the mac section at download.com) for macros or conversion programs for wordperfect files. no dice.
Maybe I should actually get back to studying.
Naw.
(In case you're afraid you missed something, I got a paper cut on Day 2, and I suddenly realized that "amortization" isn't really that hard once you get over the fear of big words like "amortization" on Day 1).
Posted by me at 09:20 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
March 08, 2003
meow
I don't understand why ESPN's 10 Worst Franchises. They got the Tigers and, what? Decided that putting in the Lions too would just be too much for Detroit? Oh come on, if we (i grew up in Detroit. I got out, thank god.) can handle Kid Rock and Ted Nugent (not to mention Eminem), we can handle this. Sheesh.
Posted by me at 07:23 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
remember the maine
Maureen Dowd's got it right in this editorial in the NY Times:
The Xanax Cowboy.
"It still confuses many Americans that, in a world full of vicious slimeballs, we're about to bomb one that didn't attack us on 9/11 (like Osama); that isn't intercepting our planes (like North Korea); that isn't financing Al Qaeda (like Saudi Arabia); that isn't home to Osama and his lieutenants (like Pakistan); that isn't a host body for terrorists (like Iran, Lebanon and Syria)."
Posted by me at 06:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Nyquil + Melatonin = 15 hours of quality sleep
I've been suffering with insomnia lately, so I'd bought some melatonin. I'd used it in the past and it worked just fine, but the last couple nights I'd taken it and nothing had happened. So there I'd sit, at 4am, cursing my inability to sleeping, watching infommercials. Finals are fast approaching, and I NEED TO SLEEP so I can get up early and study and be functional, etc. So, I took so melatonin last night. Nothing. Frustrated, I lost control of my senses and took at dose of Nyquil. And boy, did I ever fall asleep. I slept through my alarm clock, the sun rising, my cellphone and regular phone ringing, etc. I only woke up when the wind (we're having crappy weather) started rattling my windows at 3:45pm. Great. So much for getting more and better studying in.
The moral: I'm an idiot, and don't ever take nyquil and melatonin together unless you want to sleep at least 15 hours.
Posted by me at 05:37 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
March 07, 2003
boogling
For some reason, this entry about this mistake makes me smile. When I make mistakes of that sort, I usually end up with porn, not quotes (come on, admit it--you've done the [don't click on this if you're at work, under 18, or my mother] this white house instead of this white house thing, too)
Posted by me at 11:52 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
it's not how long they are, it's how you use them
A friend was nice enough to forward this to me:
Short thighs linked to diabetes risk, with the message "are you sure you're going to be ok?"
But, really, I had it coming--I describe myself as a square, and NOT because my arms are unusually long.
Posted by me at 10:59 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
ani difranco and soda pop
There's this song by Ani Difranco called "subdivision" which, not surprisingly, is all about how america subdivides itself along lines of race and class, blah blah. Anyway, she's talking about how we sell out for fasion and "carbonated sugar water," which is funny, because that's what my Dad calls soda and he's a conservative old republican, i.e. the anti-thesis of Ani. Which just makes me wonder if, while Ani isn't becoming more conservative as she ages, she is going to start sounding more and more like my father, at least as far as word choice goes. hmm.
Posted by me at 04:46 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
henry
he claims to be the cutest guinea pig ever. you be the judge.
Posted by me at 01:37 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 06, 2003
JMZ...
...which, whenever I see the signs for it, I think "DMZ" (demilitarized zone) for some reason I can't quite figure out...must be from some vietnam movie my dad made my watch when I was a kid.
Anyhow, which NYC subway line are you?
Posted by me at 11:58 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
superglue
Tonight while I was studying at a coffee shop a friend decided to superglue a poker chip to his hand (he's like a homeless person in that he carries a bunch of random crap around with him, only he uses a backpack instead of a shopping cart and he as an apartment. this random crap includes things like superglue and poker chips.) So I was wondering if superglue is harmful for your skin (besides the obvious problem of ripping off large junks of skin trying to get whatever you glued to yourself unstuck). Apparently, it's not: they actually use it in place of sutures in Europe. That seems like a pretty good idea, but everyone who has used superglue knows that 9 out of 10 times you accidentally glue something to your hand, or glue your fingers together, etc. So how many surgeons glue themselves to their patients?
While searching for "superglue" on google I also stumbled across this. The post mentions superglue, but that's not the point...jesus christ, what the fuck IS this website?
Posted by me at 11:17 PM | Comments (0)
Chipotle
Is, without a doubt, the best fastfood place ever. Apparently it's owned by McDonald's, which would be a strike against it, but it existed independently first, and THEN was bought by McDonald's. So enjoy it before McDonald's fucks it up. I recommend skipping breakfast, going to chipotle at lunch--you won't have to eat for the rest of the day.
Posted by me at 04:52 PM | Comments (0)
Settling In
It only took two days, but everything seems to be set up correctly. Phew.
Now I can get back to the rest of my life, just in time for 16 hours a day of studying for finals! Oh BOY!
Posted by me at 11:34 AM | Comments (0)
myPROBLEM
the lovely people at dreamhost figured out my mySQL problem. the problem was ME. shucks.
Posted by me at 01:21 AM | Comments (0)