March 21, 2005
i worry
I haven't been posting because I haven't been doing much but worry. Worry, worry worry.
We got an apartment. It is $400 dollars cheaper than our curren apartment. It is a thousand times nicer (I know, Monkey, all we need is loge to make our apartment nice!) in the sense that it has a washer/dryer in it, fireplace, big counter, two real bedrooms, blah blah blah. It's great. I have to admit to being disappointed that it isn't at the North/Damen/Milwaukee intersection, but I can't really articulatre WHY I'm disappointed by this. I guess I'm a little freaked out about living three blocks away from the expressway, and a little freaked out about how desolate and residential Chicago is. When I walk home from the subway at 10pm on a Tuesday night in Brooklyn, 20 people are walking with me. When I walk around these residential blocks in Wicker Park at 2pm on a Saturday, you pass one person in 15 minutes. It creeps me out. So I guess that's the problem: I wanted to be in a busy intersection because it feels less dangerous because there are people around. I don't care about proximity to stores, restaurants, etc--I just want crowds. What has New York done to me?? I have no idea why I'm so freaked out by this, and I know it is dumb if you're reading this and have never been to NYC and think of it as big, bad and dangerous. But I have always felt safer in New York than in Chicago.
ANYWAY I'm sure it will be fine. So I can see the Kennedy expressway barely 3 blocks down? So what? I can't hear it. The subway is a 5 minute walk. TMR assures me that I could go running down Ashland at midnight and be fine (I'm not going to, thank you). God why the fuck am I suddenly afraid of Chicago? Today on the train ride home I saw a crack whore wearing flip flops on filthy fee with OPEN BLEEDING PUS-ING SORES put her leg through the door at Delancey as it was closing and hold it there, screaming "mother fucker open the door!" until the conductor opened the door 3 minutes later. Then she wished us all happy passover (early) and asked for change. And I didn't bat an eye. And now I'm mysteriously afraid of my five minute walk home on a residential block. So help me god I look so pissed off all the time that all the muggrs I'm inventing in my head are going to be afraid of ME.
I'm also disappointed that the apartment isn't close to a gym. That is a much more rational disappointment.
The good: I'm getting a car to drive home, take C. to Target and go up to the cabin. I will have a garage for this car. For $75 a month. Suck it, Brooklyn Heights. [Street parking wouldn't even be a problem. But I've had windows bashed out and this will be the first new car I've ever owned and I want the garage. Plus I can hide from all the muggers I'm making up in the garage on my way home through the dark, lonely alley, because in my paranoid neurotic world my apartment no longer has a front door.)
(Note that this "desolate" street I'm describing appeared to be full of yuppies in town houses with Audis and BMWs parked on the street).
Oh, the more good news! I officially gave notice at work (well, kind of--I told the important partners. I didn't call HR because frankly I got tired of telling people. I will call them tomorrow). My last day is April 13th (the day I accrue 5 more vacation days so I can get paid for them). Goodbye, hell firm. Hello, firm that may or may not be a new hell firm.
I need to call the movers and confirm with C. when she wants to move. I'm thinking 17/18/19th-ish. I plan on spending the 14th through moving day packing and getting stoned to mellow my crazy ass out. The movers come, take our stuff, we spend the night on an air mattress, the next day we wake up super early, get in the rental SUV/station wagon/minivan I will have picked up the night before and drive 12 hours with two cats and three guinea pigs to Chicago.
If that's not something to worry about, I don't know what is.
Posted by me at March 21, 2005 11:14 PM
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