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July 25, 2003
i am incapable of caring for myself
so C., girlfriend extraordinaire, left from work to go to Florida to see her family, leaving me here, alone, all weekend. of course, this should be a good thing, because it will allow me to direct all my attention to studying for the Bar (yeah right). C. seemed nervous this morning: reminding me over and over to feed the pigs, take out the garbage, water the plants, etc. me: "yeah yeah yeah. i'm 25, i can take care of myself."
oh, how wrong i was.
for the past day and a half i've been entirely unable to study for the bar. instead, i've read some of my new favorite blogs, watched tv, putzed around the lower eastside (under the auspices of going to a coffee shop to study), etc. today, my boredom reached a new low and i decided to make chili. i have no idea how to make chili. i don't even know how to spell it, actually--1 L (one l. haha. fucking law students.) or 2? anyway, that's not the point. the point is i needed an onion, and onions, in C's perfect wisdom (and anal organizational scheme) are kept in this hanging wire basket contraption, which dangles from the ceiling, far above my head. being too lazy to climb up on a chair to claim an onion for myself, i tried to use a spatula. bad idea. i some how broke the hanging basket contraption:
picture 1 is the contraption, now broken. picture 2 is the floor beneath the contraption, after I cleaned up the onions, oranges, garlic, etc--everything but the onion skins, which you see pictured (and which I cannot bring myself to pick up). picture 3 is the bowl i transferred all the onions, oranges, and garlic (which were rolling like gangbusters around on the floor) into, being unable to put the contraption back together.
and, much as C. feared, the apartment has quickly fallen into disarray:
Clockwise from top left: kitchen sink, full of dishes from the chili experiment. refrigerator, woefully lacking in symmetry and linear precision (C is a big proponent of refrigerator item alignment. a type of feng shui for produce and various soft drinks and juices, if you will). two of the many, many glasses i have used today, all left out on the coffee table. one of my socks on the bedroom floor (in the MIDDLE of the bedroom floor. HAHAHAHAHA!). the bed, unmade.
so what have we learned? i'm a hopeless mess by myself. and it promises to get more messy and more hopeless by the end of the weekend: this is only early friday evening, after all.
things are so bad, henry is ripping up his newspaper bedding in a subconscious cry for help:
gotta go, the seinfeld "bubble boy" episode is on!!
Posted by me at July 25, 2003 07:20 PM
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Comments
okay, so your world is falling apart. at least you do it with style and have organized documentation.
Posted by: rrc at July 26, 2003 12:52 AM
You know, "J" in the event that you are unaware, you totally compromised C's anonimity in this post.
Posted by: T2 at July 26, 2003 05:15 PM
oops. i fixed it.
Posted by: me at July 26, 2003 05:19 PM
and, though i hate to be a picker of nits, M. Riles has misspelled "anonymity" in a way that casts serious doubt upon his character, his professional competence, and his status for loathsome diseases, i.e. leprosy or "V.D." and because of the "anonimity" [sic] of this forum, my defamation will go unpunished.
Posted by: i at July 27, 2003 11:09 AM
actually...
third person. right here. and no special damages requirement because it's slander per se.
Posted by: rrc at July 28, 2003 01:10 AM
please do not substitute tort law corrections for humor. it hurts the normals.
Posted by: tmr at July 28, 2003 11:26 AM
monkey, it is true. you are lost without me. but then again, i am lost without you. oh, can we get a king size bed?
Posted by: Monkey at July 28, 2003 02:36 PM
yes. if i get half of it: and that would be half of the WHOLE bed, not half of the bed left after you put all your pillows on it.
Posted by: me at July 28, 2003 02:40 PM
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